招生官揭秘如何写出好文书

The Statement of Purpose required by grad schools is probably the hardest thing you will ever write. (Incidentally, the statement of purpose may also be called an Application Essay, Objectives for Graduate Study, Personal Background, Cover Letter, or some comparable title.)

个人陈述的写作是学生的最大难题。无论名称差异多大，比如有些学校会称为申请文书，有的叫深造目标，个人背景，等等，其实性质是一样的。

I would guess virtually all grad-school applicants, when they write their first draft of the statement of purpose, will get it wrong. Much of what you have learned about writing and also about how to present yourself will lead you astray. For example, here's an opening to a typical first draft:

大部分申请研究生院的学生，个人陈述的初稿都偏离正轨。你此前学过的关于写作和自我推荐的东西可能会让你误入歧途。例如下文的开头部分：

I am applying to the Master of Fine Arts program in creative writing at the University of Okoboji because I believe my writing will blossom at your program since it is a place where I will be challenged and I can hone my writing skills.

How's that? It's clear, it's direct, and it "strokes" the MFA program, right? Wrong. All of it is obvious and extraneous.

这开头写得如何？明确，直接，干脆，直指学生要申请的目标，对吗？错了。它所写的都太明显和多余了。

The admissions committee knows you are applying to their MFA program because everyone in the stacks of applications they are reading is applying for the same thing. The admissions committee will also know that your writing will "blossom" there since they feel they have a strong program. Of course you will be challenged — all undergrads going on to a grad program will be challenged, no matter how well-prepared they think they are. And of course the new grad student will "hone [her] writing skills" — isn't that the main purpose of the MFA program?

申请委员会知道你要申请什么专业，他们每天要审阅无穷多和你一样申请同专业学生的文档。他们对于你所说的文笔会在此专业增强也毫不怀疑，因为他们对自己系别的强势足够自信。你当然会遇到挑战---无论多么优秀的本科生，当成为新入学的研究生时对科研和写作能力都要面对挑战---这难道不是MFA旨在培养你的地方吗？

Let's assume the required length of this particular program's statement of purpose is 300 words. Well, with this opening you will have used up 15% of your space saying virtually nothing. 15%!

我们假设你个人陈述的字数限制是300，那么像刚才那样的开头就已经浪费了15%的字数而且毫无价值。

In fact, not only is this opening paragraph obvious, extraneous, and space-stealing, it'sboring!Imagine who's reading this and where: five professors "locked" in a room with 500 applications. Do you think this opening paragraph will command their attention? Will they read the rest of this statement of purpose with an open mind that this applicant is the kind of student they want? Will they remember this application later? You be the judge.

实际上，这个开头不但是废话，浪费字数，而且很枯燥老套。设想一下谁在读你的申请材料：5个教授，关在一间屋内，面对500份申请！你觉得这样的开头能引起他们的兴趣吗？即使他们耐着性子看下去，你觉得他们还会认为你是他们想要的学生吗？事后他们对你的这份申请还会有印象吗？自己想想吧。

Remember what you learned in first-year composition? You need a "hook."

记得初学写作时老师是怎么教你的吗？开头要吸引人！你需要一个“凤头。”

A former student of mine applying to enter a master's program in library science had a great hook. I don't remember Susan's exact words, but the opening paragraph of her statement of purpose went something like this:


我有一个申请图书馆系研究生的学生申请文书一开头就非常吸引人。确切的文字我记不太清了，不过大概如下：

Okay ... it's clear, it's direct, it's 45 words, and, most important, it tells the admissions committee about Susan's almost life-long passion not just for books but fortaking care of books.When the committee starts to discuss their "best picks," don't you think they'll remember her as "the young woman who had her own library"? Of course they will, because having had their own library when they were eleven would probably be a cherished fantasy for each of them!
Suppose Susan had written this opening paragraph instead:

很好。清楚明白，直截了当，而且只用了45个字。最重要的是，这篇文书上来就告诉招生官这个学生对书执着的爱，和发自内心愿意保护它们的动力。等招生委员会讨论到底录取谁的时候，你觉得他们会忘记这个如此爱书，甚至有着一个自己的私人图书馆的女孩子吗？他们当然不会忘！因为在11岁就拥有自己的图书馆恐怕也是这些招生官每一个的梦想。不过，如果苏珊这个女孩不是这样开头而是用如下的方法呢？

That's 45 words too. Do you think the admissions committee will remember this application among the 500 applications they are wading through? Probably more than half of the applications, maybe alotmore than half, will open with something very similar. Many will say they "have had a love affair with books" — that phrase may sound passionate until you've read it a couple of hundred times.

这也是45个字。你觉得录取委员会会在每天要过滤的500份申请材料中记住它吗？大概超过半数的个人陈述都是类似的开头。很多人都会说他们是如何地爱书，起初听起来会被学生的热情感动，可是如果一天看了几百篇都这么说，作为一个招生官作何感想？

Allof us have had some event, some experience, like my student's personal library at eleven, which drives us toward the discipline(s) we inhabit. I was speaking to a group of students recently about this. One student — let's call her Jennifer — said she wanted to get a master's degree in speech therapy. When I asked her why, Jennifer said she had taken a class in it for fun and really loved it. But then I pressed her: was there some personal reason she found that field significant enough to spend her whole life doing it? At first Jennifer said no, but after more questioning she revealed that her brother had speech problems. This was a discovery to her; she had not entered the field with that connection in mind — at least not consciously. But there it was; Jennifer now had her hook.

我们每个人在人生中都有一些独特的经历，像我的这个名叫苏珊的学生，11岁就拥有了自己的图书馆，可能由此引导了我们对以后人生道路的选择。最近我和一些学生谈过这个问题。有一个叫Jennifer的学生说，她想选修一个矫正语言障碍的硕士学位。我问她为什么对此有兴趣，她告诉我，她曾经纯属好奇地选修了这样一门课，却从此爱上了这个专业。但我继续问她，你真的能保证愿意一生投入这一行吗？有没有什么个人原因吸引了你呢？开始她说没有，但是我再三问询，Jennifer终于告诉我，她的哥哥有语言障碍。对于她来说，这也是一个新发现：她没有想过，自己一心要学习的专业其实和她的生活经历是密不可分的。

You have to really dig. Be introspective. Don't settle for "I love this field."Whydo you love this field? Why do you want to work in this field forthe rest of your life?Why does itcompleteyou? Cut through the bull you tell your parents and relatives and friends. What isyourtruth? Find it and then find a memorable way to say it. Grad schools require the statement of purpose not only because they want to find about you as an applicant, they want you to really think about why you are taking such a life-changing step — truly and profoundly why.

想写好文书就需要认真挖掘，反思，内省。简单说“我喜欢这个专业”是不行的。你为什么喜欢呢？你为什么愿意为这个专业付出一生呢？研究它能给你带来什么样的成就感和满足感呢？坦诚而认真地讲实话，但还要用吸引人的方式讲出来。研究生院在看个人陈述的时候不光是想了解你这个人，他们也希望你在写作的过程中认真思考你为什么要做出人生中这一重大决定。

Okay, back to the scene of the five professors surrounded by stacks of applications, maybe more than 500. Do you know who they are? What they want? What they like to eat? Obviously, no. Conversely, do they know you? Well, no. But ... the statement of purpose is your chance to help them get to know you! Your statement of purpose should portray you as a person, not just an application among hundreds of others. Not just paper and ink.

好，我们现在再设想一下那五个教授每天被困在一间屋内淹没在不止500份的申请材料中的场景。你认识他们吗？知道他们喜欢什么样的学生吗？甚至，他们爱吃什么？你当然不知道。反之，他们了解你吗？一样不。你的个人陈述是唯一而且最重要的帮助他们了解你的材料！记住，这篇文书不单纯是笔纸，而是要把你活灵活现地表现为一个真实独特的人。

Here's one way to do it. When I was an undergrad senior first applying for grad schools, I knew a grad student — I'll call him Nigel — who told me he had written a three-sentence statement of purpose to get into Stanford:

举个例子：当我大四申请读研的时候，我认识了一个叫Nigel的研究生。他告诉我，他入读斯坦福的个人陈述只写了三句话：

That was the whole thing. That's only half of 45 words. It certainly portrays Nigel as brash, risk-taking, no-nonsense, even arrogant. If this is how you want to portray yourself, then by all means do this. But you should also know that Nigel's statement of purpose is an all-or-nothing proposition. You can bet there will be members of probably any admissions committee who will find Nigel's statement of purpose offensive, even disrespectful. And they might not want such a student at their school. But then I suppose Nigel wouldn't want to be a student at that school, either.

这就是全部。二十几个字。但是它充分体现了Nigel的个性：自信甚至狂妄，敢冒险，不说废话。如果你想用此种方式表现自己，不要犹豫，大胆去做！但是你也要考虑到，Nigel的个人陈述是孤注一掷的，在任何一个录取委员会中一定都会有人非常反感他的口气而坚决不想录取这样的学生。但毕竟申请学校是双向的选择，我想那些不喜欢Nigel的学校一定也不是他想去的地方。

Try to make your paper-and-ink self come alive. Don't just say, "I used to work on an assembly line in a television factory, and one day I decided that I had to get out of there, so I went to college to save my own life." How about this: "One Thursday, I had soldered the 112th green wire on the same place on the 112th TV remote, and I realized the solder fumes were rotting my brain. I decided college would be my salvation." Both 35 words. Which narrative do you think will keep the admissions committee reading?

尽量让你的文书生动起来！不要仅仅说“我曾经在一家电视机制造厂的流水线上工作，有一天，我忽然觉得我不想再干了，所以我辞职上了大学，从此改变了我的生活。”换一种说法会好很多，比如：“一个周四，我焊完了第112个电视遥控器上的第112条绿色的电线，我突然感到焊接的烟雾在日复一日地腐蚀我的大脑。于是我觉得我要辞职去上大学，那才是改变生活的出路。”字数都差不多，可是作为一个招生官，你愿意看哪一篇呢？

Tell stories (briefly). Use vivid language. Be specific. Be dynamic. Liven up a moment in the lives of those five professors trapped with those 500 applications. Maybe 600. Maybe more.

简洁地讲故事才能把文书写好。语言要生动具体，让那五个每天被600多份申请材料压得透不过气的教授们眼前突然一亮，他们不会忘记你的！

At the same time, be careful not to be glib. Don't be slick. Don't write your application in a sequence of haiku. Don't put in photos. Just be yourself, but a more heightened version of yourself in words (since face-to-face nuance and gestures won't be there to help).

同时要注意，也不要太油腔滑调。不要用俳句写你的文书，不要附带照片。用平白但生动的语言作你真实的自己就好。

Remember your statement of purpose should portray you as (1) passionately interested in the field; (2) intelligent; (3) well-prepared academically and personally; (4) able to take on the challenges of grad school; (5) able to have rapport with professors and fellow grad students — in other words, collegial; (6) able to finish the graduate degree in a timely fashion; and (7) a potentially outstanding representative of that grad school in your future career.

写个人陈述记住以下几点：一：对所学专业有强烈兴趣；二：聪明；三：性格成熟而且在学术方面也做好了充分准备；四：不怕吃苦；五：能与教授和同学和谐相处；六：能及时毕业；七：在未来事业中能成为我们学校的优秀代表。

That's a lot to cover in a few hundred words (the length of a statement purpose, as required by different schools, tends to be around 300 to 1000 words). "Passionate interest in the field" will be covered by the kind of hook I have described above. "Intelligence" will be conveyed by the overall writing, organization, expression, etc. of your statement. Being "well-prepared" can be demonstrated by using the lingo of the field (theory, craft, etc.), describing the specific kinds of coursework and other accomplishments you have in the field. Ability "to take on the challenges of grad school" can be shown by describing the rigor of the work you have done. "Collegiality" is not particularly important but is nevertheless a factor — if you can show yourself as a generally nice and cooperative person, that will do — just be true to your own style. Ability "to finish the graduate program" can be conveyed implicitly by your success thus far and more explicitly if you can tell some (brief) story about adverse obstacles you have overcome. Being a "future outstanding representative" can be implied by your being an outstanding representative of your undergraduate school — for example, don't "bad-mouth" your current college or professors.

Often, grad schools will ask you to address other or similar qualities as I've listed above. Just use common sense in focusing on each. Don't address them in the same order as the grad school has listed. Combine them; rearrange them; do whatever you need to do to show yourself as an imaginative person, not a parrot following a line of Brazil nuts to crack.

个人陈述对于字数要求一般是在300到1000之间，各个学校不同。要表达“对专业的强烈兴趣，”需要我提交；吸引人的一个噱头，“聪明”需要体现在你的文笔，文书的结构等方面。“准备充分”要表现在能够熟练运用所学领域的术语或技能，以及充分了解该学科的课程或者和在该领域获得的成就；“敢于接受研究生院的挑战”需要以你的成绩来体现；“师生关系和谐”不是考量中最重要的因素，但我们依然要考虑---如果能让我们看到你是一个性格随和肯于合作的人当然会有所加分，但不可以弄虚作假。“能够顺利毕业”可以一方面体现在你的学习成绩上，另外也可以从你克服困难的故事中体现。“作为一个本校未来出色的毕业生代表”要从几方面来看：例如，在你本科就读期间是否优秀？你最好没有说过本科教授的坏话。我已经涵盖了研究生院要求的大部分考量标准，而很多东西都是普通常识。写文书的时候，注意不要按照问题的顺序逐一回答---要有点儿创造性，把这些问题综合地看，综合地回答，尽最大可能地脱颖而出，不要鹦鹉学舌。

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